Nighttime Comics Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's leading entertainers spent their airtime ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "gold card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he handles."

The subject was the controversial initiative that permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One message here to wealthy foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "get cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.